Car talk

'Hey Mr', my car boomed at me while I was driving frantically to work. 

'What' !! , I exclaimed and totally taken back. 'How come a car talking to me', I thought.

'Surprised ? eh ! ' , car said. It danced its salsa ways through the traffic taking me ahead among the sleepy and coffee sipping  drivers.

'Absolutely. I know this is Detroit, the car capital of the world. But I never thought a car can speak to me. I pinched myself just to make sure that I am not dreaming in my sleep. The pain was real and the current reality was giving me a goose-bump. ' Are you some avatar ghost of Siri , the iPhone talker ? How come you got installed in my car ?' I asked my car as it trying to make sure that I reach my office on or before time.

'Ha Ha ha', it laughed and it gained more speed as it laughed. I looked at the speedometer to make sure that I am within speed limits. You never know when the blue car with red top of Michigan State Police will start following you to hand over a racing ticket. And then insurance bloodsuckers will increase the premium.

'No, I am not any distant cousin of Siri. However, I am inspired by 'Cars' animation movie.  There the cars talk among themselves. Here I got upgraded by manufacturer to talk to you. Everyday you and me are together for long driver hours. I make you listen news, music and I listen you talk to your wife and I hear all the crying sounds your baby makes. I know lots of things about you and I know you are a good guy', car informed me.

'Thanks for the compliment but you are invading my privacy. Please stop observing me and listening to me. You are spying on me', I complained.

I have reached the parking lot by then. There were other cars too and I wondered whether the other cars are welcoming my car to the parking lot. Do they talk among themselves and share the secrets of the driver of the car? Hell !! hope not.

'Sorry for that', the car responded, by coming to halt on a parking spot. 'I do not spy on you but care for you. We are friends, don't you see? Anyway have a nice working day'. Somehow it reminded me of my wife. She knows everything about me yet I cannot call her a spy. Anyhow, I gave my car a good-bye and headed towards my office to write some software for the car.

Sent to Space

Sent to Space

I saw a dream that I wanted to go to moon. But the main problem was how I can go there.  So, I went searching for NASA.

NASA had an idea. The scientists gathered around me as an object of experiment.  They checked whether I am healthy enough for travelling to changing atmospheric pressure. They said air gets thinner as you go up and up. I looked at the sky and thought these scientists are crazy. If air gets thinner, clouds should be on earth. Clouds are dense.  God know how these scientists got recruited in NASA.

Anyhow, they said I am fit and fine. They make me sit on their bladeless helicopter and sent me to their rocket center.

                After an air filled journey, I reached the rocket center.  They showed me a rocket that was about to take off. I said ‘Yeah Baby!! Take me to the moon.’  Soon, a group of astronaut (pronounced ass-trot-not) in their big bulky jacket , surrounded me and then tied me to the rocket using a long rope.  They took out matchsticks and put fire on the tail of the rocket and the rocket took off.

At some point, rocket reached outer space. The fuel in rocket got over. They had filled the tank only half-full as they said fuel import from mid-east has become costlier. Please try to use fuel as less as possible.  They had even handed me a pamphlet to read about solar energy while I am travelling towards moon.  As a result, I was left hanging somewhere in space. It was icy cold there.  Here in the unknown co-ordinate position, it’s more icy condition than Detroit and this time too, I forgot my jacket.  I felt that I am  freezing and so I woke up to realize my room heater is off.

Einstein Goes to Gulf

Einstein was busily working in his lab when CNN announced that US again went to one of the gulf nations. This time it is Libya. The glass tube, which Einstein was holding at very moment, containing nascent Die-Ammonium-Desperate Peroxide, blew . The explosion sent  golden oily rings in the atmosphere.

Frustrated by his series of failed oily experiments and armed with the new news about US arms interest in the controversial oil nation, his over-worked brain started to make new equations. With all knowledge of calculus, trigonometry, algebra and geometry; he tried to find what oily profit US will make from gulf strikes. He also tried to implement quadratic equation of Bush Law of Saddam Hussain but he was not getting any lead.

He looked out of his window and saw the boat of Popeye, the Sailor man, floating at the shore. Hmmm.. Popeye is back again at Superman's home, flirting  with  Superman's wife, as Superman was busy saving the world. Einstein hatched an idea. He wanted real sample data to synthesize the much needed Gulf American Equation.He sneaked out from his house and ran to the Popeye's unguarded boat. Taking the compass, he had once stolen from Jack Sparrow, one of the fallen Pirates of Caribbean, Einstein started to sail towards the gulf.

The exclusive image of Einstein, on his way to Gulf, that you see at start of the article, was taken by a National Geographic photographer, who was out there in the Atlantic, trying to take pictures of whales while they were mating.